Overcoming Fears and Self-Doubt — Small Steps To Freedom

Well it’s been a while hasn’t it!

The year definitely seems to be speeding by and so much has happened since my last update. On the one hand there have been a few events I have been to that have been infinitely inspiring and strengthened my resolve and desires to see this blog grow into something much bigger; on the other hand I have spent most of the last four months crippled by self-doubt and writers block.

A large part of me has felt, even before I launched the blog last year, that what I had to say wasn’t worth people hearing. I feared the reactions of people I know and even more so those I don’t. It was like I could hear what they were saying already - “Who does she think she is?” Scariest of all was the thought that my experiences weren’t valid, that somehow I’ve never been disabled enough for what I say to have any true value. I’ve always known I can only speak from my own experience and can never truly understand those of people who are permanently in a wheelchair, or have degenerative conditions, or face much harder struggles.

It’s taken a long time, and frankly a lot of close self-examination and hard work, to finally accept that what I say does matter. If I think about the pain management programme I did, I was the only person there who had lived with a condition, and pain, since childhood. There was another woman whose conditions presented in her late teens. Others in their twenties, thirties, forties … we were a completely rag-tag bunch of diagnoses and symptoms. Our commonality though was a shared experience of life changing illness, pain and a determination to do something about it.

In that arena I feel like my voice, my writing, has power. I will always be authentic in what I write about and know that it will not resonate with everyone. My experiences are valid, I have learned a great deal from them and my hope remains that by sharing them, and the solutions I have found that have helped me heal physically, mentally and emotionally to any degree, I may in turn be able to help others.

In the time I have taken to finally accept this I decided to give the website a bit of an overhaul. As my writing mojo has reappeared I will have more additions to the toolkit, as well as more personal writing to share. It has been nice to at least develop my website building skills and think about some of the more practical aspects of my output during this time! I’m back, there’s still plenty of 2019 to go and I hope you’ll continue to join me here.

Shanna